My Testimony

My earliest recollections of my father were a series of deep red welts across my back from a beating he gave me at 5 years old.

That night sleep never came and in the morning, after an apologetic embrace, life went on as usual.

There was always a deep vein of passion that ran heavy in my home. Sometimes that passion expressed itself in pain, and at times in love.

It would be one of the last memories my father and I would share before he would be taken from me.

At 6 I would have a new life with a new family. My birth mother –who I was reacquainted with- had converted to Judaism and my new father Dr. Goodman was brilliant, even tempered, and patient. For most of my life I considered myself Jewish and remember laughing at the thought of Jesus, an obvious charlatan, having the nerve to call himself God.

Religion was not a looming concern in my youth. I was proud, strong, and happy to indulge in life’s pleasures. I enjoyed popularity and relished in my youthful vigor. I was a nice guy, sure, but there was a darker side that unfortunately some had to see.

At around 16 I started attending a church with an attractive girl I met through a friend. I knew my bible through common curiosity and infrequent readings so nothing that was said was effective since I chose to shut off that part of myself.

It was then I met a man named John Serrano. John was extremely bright and served his country in the United States Navy as I would later do. He had a way of expressing his faith that was alive, powerful, and convincing. John’s words had a strong effect on me and his faith penetrated my prejudice.

Within a month I would be baptized in Jesus name, flush with the Holy Spirit, and electrified with a powerful awareness of God in me.

It would not last.

As I fell away I began a new life in Florida and began new relationships and carried new hopes for the future. I was amazed how fast I met people from all walks of life and I allowed myself to celebrate life to its fullest. Alcohol was pleasurable as were other drugs and though I still had my faith, I knew I was still quite young and figured that I was able to resume my relationship with God whenever the time was appropriate.

Church for me had been cathartic and I was grateful for the experience, but I began to cherish more the concerns of day to day life and God was soon becoming nothing more than a pleasant cherry on my psychological entrée.

As time continued on I became quite the religious pluralist. I read the books of Deepak Chopra, Carlos Castaneda, Sonia Choquette and the other spiritualists I came across. I embraced the reinterpretations of Jesus as “enlightened” and “spiritual”.

While I pulled away from the literal understanding of the bible I gained the respect of many who admired my ideas of religious commonality. There was no sin. I attended church after smoking pot believing I was accessing the power of marijuana’s transcendental nature while mixing in the light of prayer and meditation.

I opened my chakras. I released the negativity of darkness, self obsession and anger while nursing within me an encompassing light of wisdom, life, power and love. Eventually this would dry as well.

I was like a thirsty man who had found soda drinks to quench his need but it could not quite satiate the thirst. In the end I turned to the one thing that had never let me down and could not let me down or disappoint.

Myself.

Over the next several years I pulled away from all spirituality. Although, I never considered atheism as a valid world view.

Sure I understood the perspective and would have had no problem calling myself an atheist at one time. Yet throughout the entirety of my life it would be what lied beyond the seemingly apparent that influenced me.

There was no sense that the natural world was solely affected by the natural. I felt at ease within the orchestra of pain, love, desire, loss, and victory that we all chalk up to life’s randomness.

But it was never random to me. I always had an understanding of the minute threads within the paper, the blood beneath the skin that coursed with mystery and suspicions of something more. The play we all play part and the part that could never fit beneath the microscope.

Even without God I could not deny it. But deny it I tried and for the next several years I did what any young man desires to do.

Pleasure.

Around this time I traveled extensively around the world in my years as a Naval STG. I had the privilege of serving on board 2 different ships and spending time in some 19 countries. I met excellent people from every walk of life and built friendships (and a family) that last me to this day. The Navy was tough for me, but well worth it.

On one hand you could say I had everything. After the Navy I got a great job at Liebherr Mining. My wife is the most beautiful person I have ever known and a source of life for me.
My child is vivid, wild, creative, and loving. (Just how I like ‘em!)
And we live together in a nice home, close to family and the people we care about.

But the melody will always play.

The subtle symphony of life and circumstance. I knew I could not forget the fact that there was more to everything, more to me than the pleasant family Christmas card I send out every year.

Home, family, warmth, and security were all wonderful things but where someone could have been content to wait till death to join everlasting, I felt my heart beckon towards divinity.

Like a call to come home I felt compelled to pray. I began with a simple prayer every night before I slept.

“In Jesus name –Lord I want you in my life. I repent of anything that separates me from God's will and I hope that I could stay with you Lord, now and forever."

And here I am.

Let me show you how I got here.